Masita Paradise

Where the sand meets the beach

Friday, April 14, 2006

Still rainy here in NYC. I have to admit that yesterday was actually very nice until later on in the evening. It was a warm spring day and I got to see so many tulips. Tulips are my favorite flower. I adore them.

I got a phone call from an ex of mine. Not the one I was actually thinking about yesterday. This guy's name is Gus. He was actually 19 years older than me when we started going out. I was a college student at a small Jesuit school in Syracuse, NY. I had no car, no money, and I was in a setting where many times I felt uncomfortable and disabled.

Disabled? Why many people asked when I tell them. Well, I am happy to explain. I was in college in a strange town and my english was so limited it is actually a miracle that I made it out of there and got a college degree. I came to the USA in 1997. I started College in 1998. I, my friends, had the biggest accent (some say that I still do), was far away from home, did not know many people and had to walk around with a dictionary in order to undersand what was going on. I felt disabled in the sense that I could not communicate my feelings. I wanted to say so much and yet could not.
I was lucky to improved and to actually get to know all the people that I did get to know. Gus was one of them. He was much older than me, but very gentle. Had his own house (providing an escape from the campus), and because of him I was able to complete my intership. YES, Gus picked me up three times a week at 6:30 in the morning so we could drive 1/2 an hour to the county prison where I was doing my intership. I AM THANKFUL for that.

I however grew tired of Gus' cheap ways. (I will elaborate more on this on another post) and by the time I graduated I did not care much about having a boyfriend. My family loved him, especially my father after all, He was marriage potential for me. I was at the time 21 and my father was eager to marry me off. Too bad, I am still single.
I broke Gus' heart the same day I graduated. My family packed all my college crap, got into the mini van, and allowed me to say bye to Gus. I gave him a huge hug and said thank you. He gave me $500 as a graduation present. And then it happened. TEARS. Lots of them. He cried and held me so tied, asked me not to go. I , however, had made up my mind. I need it to go away from Syracuse. I was tired of the samll town. I was tired of him counting pennies.

I was never able to actually spend the $500 dollars he gave me that day. Being the cheapest man alive, I know that it was a token of his love. I still have the money, the same bills. Call me weird. But that money is the greatest love letter I ever received.

Anyway, Funny how life is. He called to tell me that rainy days reminded him of me and what could've been. And here I was thinking about Gerald. I guess that those who break hearts get their heart broken too.
I want to thank GUS for the support he provided me with. Thank him because he loved me with the most intense love. I want to ask him to forgive me for being a little childish at the time.

He was the first real love that I experienced and I want him to be happy.

Enough for now.


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